Yesterday, at Citizens Bank Park, was not a particularly good evening for one hammered Philadelphia Phillies’ fan. Have a look. 


When I look at this I think two things. One – man, that guy went down like a sack of hammers. Two – MLB teams are missing some incredible marketing opportunities. 

First of all, let’s get one thing clear. Once this bonehead gets on the field, I don’t care how they bring him down and get him out of there. In 2010, anyone who doesn’t understand the consequences of doing something this stupid deserves whatever he gets in return. Don’t wanna get tasered? Don’t run on the field, moron. 

If you don’t think fans like this should be removed immediately. Have a word with Monica Seles. She’ll fill you in. Ended her elite career, my friends. 

Monica Seles has just been stabbed on April 30, 1993

Monica Seles has just been stabbed on April 30, 1993

 So, once MLB decides that this is the way fans who behave like this are going to be brought down, they need to promote it! Before the game, when those announcements are being made about “Hey, watch out for baseballs leaving the field of play,” they need to include a taser demo! Get a couple of cops up on each dugout. With each cop is a human subject. I know lots of guys who’d do it for fifty bucks. Then say, “If you enter the field of play, here’s how you’ll leave,” then pop the guy with the taser! He’s down, baby! 

By my stopwatch, the guy in Philly last night was up 29 seconds after the blast. That’s a lot faster than that pinhead in Calgary a few years ago. Remember him? At a Flames’ game, he decided it would be a good idea to strip naked, except for his socks, and jump over the glass onto the ice. Since he was knocked completely cold, it was easy for enforcement to remove him. I think they should have simply propped him up, as-is, in the concourse – kind of like he was laying in state. Let everyone walk by. After waking up, bet he’d never consider doing that again! 

Back to Philly. While it’s entertaining to watch some fat police officers chase a guy in the outfield, it can be dangerous to the players. And to the officers’ cardiac health. That’s another marketing op. Have a 50/50 draw…but not for money. The winning fan gets to arm and fire a catapult net from the upper deck. Or use one of those cannons that they fire t-shirts with. Have about three of those babies around the top deck. When the fan gets in the field – fire! Just like bringing down a rogue rhino. 

Or what about this…give fans who enter a contest thirty seconds to try to run around the field and avoid the tasering and catapult net. If you succeed, you move to the next round. Winners compete at the World Series. 

Just the possibility of all this, including the pre-game demo, would bring many more twenty-something males into the park. Of course, they’re always the ones who get blasted and run out there anyway. 

See? It’s a marketing dream!

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1 Response » to “Phillies’ fans – they’re always the last to figure it out”

  1. Fred says:

    Sweet. I completely agree that idiots get what they deserve. I’ll bet he is going to sue though, and some soul-less lawyer will take up his cause…

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